Jill:

I think tipping is essential in the dining experience. The present day server gets paid minimum wage and makes their money from tips, as a former server, back in my university days, I know you need that money for school, so I think when you go to a restaurant, if you have the means, you should tip generously. Bill always tells me stories about servers that do well for them, that own two houses and drive nice cars, but I think that’s the exception, not the rule. When I go to a restaurant, I typically tip between 15-25%, depending on the service, and the total amount of the bill. That's after tax too. Its easier to add up the tax and give them that 15%. When I say the amount of the bill, I mean that obviously if the bill is $150 for two people, 25% tip is excessive, but at a Kelsey's for example, it may be justified.

There is one thing I do that drives Bill crazy...if the service is not the greatest, I still tip. Now hear me out on this, I know what it's like to have a bad day, and be swamped, I don't feel that a server should be punished for that. If they are completely horrid, I will leave less, but that is their income...I mean $5.25 an hour? That's not even close to minimum wage!

I also always reach for the check, when I'm out with friends. If I have the means to treat them, I don't see why not. Obviously ou can't in all circumstances, but a lunch here and there? I know I sometimes get taken advantage of because I cannot bring myself to ask someone to pay this time, since I paid last time. That's my personality though, I'm giving. That's the person he fell for, so I think he should deal with it. Bill has got to lighten up when it comes to tipping and treating. I don't get what the big deal is.

Bill:

When Jill says “I don't get what the big deal is” regarding indiscriminate tipping, I think she has parked her brain.   Most of us have heard the expression “It’s not what you earn, it’s what you spend.”  Both Jill and I have problems with spending but, at least I am aware of what the cumulative effect of what seems to be small amounts can add up to.  It’s not just over-tipping its spending money on items that we do not need and will never use.  This includes: extravagant gifts for teachers, cleaning ladies, the postman, and all of the nieces and nephews on her side of the family.   We do not buy birthday gifts for my brothers (I have four) and my family stopped buying gifts for nieces and nephews (I have sixteen).  I don’t even buy gifts for my parents, with the exception of perhaps Christmas, but birthdays are definitely out.

Imagine if we bought gifts for both of our families that included all birthdays and Christmas.  We would need to purchase a grand total of 70 gifts a year plus an approximately 12 gifts for classmates of our daughter, who have invited her to a birthday party. 

I haven’t even begun to mention the number of gifts we shower our only child with and I have been more than generous with Jill as she has been with me. 

Gifts are only part of the problem, if you were to include frivolous tipping, the amount of times we eat out, in addition to the useless items we buy every week from Winners and Walmart the financial impact is staggering.

We need to develop discipline regarding our spending.  A lot of our spending can be redirected to paying our debts or our mortgage and perhaps in investing ours and our daughter’s future.

Jill and I need to become a team with agreed upon goals and the discipline to achieve them, but right now, that’s not the case.

Bill:

When Jill and I were dating often she would bring a friend to join us a meal and maybe a movie. Since her friends were important to her, we spent a good deal of time with them, and since I was still trying to impress her, I would always pay the bill. Little did I know, I was setting a dangerous precedence.

Now, 20 years later, I still seem to be always paying the bill. On Jill’s “Girl’s Night Out”, our credit card always  gets charged with large restaurant and bar bills, and its  clear Jill has taken it on herself to pay for the night out.  I seriously cannot understand what kind of friends let her pay every time she goes out. Big mistake to ask her! Jill becomes extremely agitated and if I am not careful with the next words out of my mouth, all hell will break loose.

But, of course I can’t help myself. “It’s just like your friend Connie,” I spouted. Connie was a friend of Jill’s from our dating days that we went out with. Every time I picked up Connie, she would get in the car and shortly after exclaim that she had no money and we would have to find an ATM. Jill would quickly respond, “Don’t worry about it; our treat.” What she really meant was that it was my treat.

Now the fight would begin in earnest. You ever notice how women can remember ever stupid thing you have ever done and can list them with little effort. And I have 20 years of stupid moves I have made and Jill remembers every one. It not that I am that thoughtless or careless, it just that when you add up every thing over 20 years…well....and I am at a distinct disadvantage, since I can’t even remember what I had for breakfast.

Well, this is one argument I have never been able to win, and the ultimate outcome is I end up sleeping on the couch.

Jill:

Bill always gets on my case about treating my friends, on girl’s night out. Outside of my friends, I feel isolated. I only have Bill and the kids, and given that I am an at-home-mom, my friends are my link to a time when life was less complicated, and to be honest, a little more fun. I ended up doing a lot better than all of my friends, and Bill is successful at what he does. When my friends and I go out, I usually invite them out, pick the place we go, and usually have its close to home, because I have to go home to my child at the end of the night. Given all this, I often feel it’s my responsibility to pay for our night out. I know that sounds silly, but it was the way I was raised, if you invite someone out, and inconvenience them, you should pay. The real problem is that every time Bill and I discuss it, instead of listening to my reasons, he ends up attacking my friends, and when we argue, the gloves fly off.

When something becomes routine, it’s hard to break. I always insist on paying, and after this many years, I don’t really know how to get others to chip in, and to be honest I don’t know if I could let them. I guess Bill will have to learn to accept it, or spend more nights on the couch.

Jill:

Bill gets ridiculously obsessed with things sometimes, especially money.  He will call me at least half a dozen times in a day, asking questions about my spending habits, and goes berserk when he doesn’t get the response he wants.  Once he begins his rant about sticking to and starting a budget, I tune him out! He doesn’t have a clue how much things cost, and does not realize the cost of living increases every year! Things do not cost what they did 10 years ago! Not to mention when it comes to his toys, his cars, and electronics, money becomes no object, but apparently necessities like groceries need to be budgeted. He doesn’t seem to realize that groceries/household items includes cleaning products, the kid’s clothes, which they go through so fast and incidentals that can ad up quickly. I do spend some money on other items like make up, but he doesn’t seem to notice cost when he bought that new suit!  I usually only spend money on things we need!

Bill:

Jill and I are spenders, plain and simple. Every once in a while I attempt to create a budget so that we can dig ourselves out of the financial hole we keep finding ourselves in.  The difference between Jill and I, is that I am very aware of the impact of my spending and know what effect it will have on our personal finances.  It doesn’t matter how many times I ask Jill what the balance on her credit card is, she can never tell me.  Does she ever read a statement? Frustrated I asked her can you tell me within $100 dollars what the balance is, and she couldn’t! She couldn’t answer within a $500 range, a $1000 range, a $1500 range, not even a $2000 range!! That is absolutely absurd! When I get an unexpected credit card bill for almost $6000 I can’t help but get a little crazy.

Why do groceries suddenly cost $1500 a month?  I eat only one meal at home a day and Jill does not eat meat. It’s not like we eat extravagant meals.  Often I have grilled cheese sandwiches and baked beans.  Jill might prepare a stir fry or casserole 2-3 times a week and we eat out on weekends.

 I have divorced friend who fills my head with conspiracies that only someone who is divorced would create.  “She is slowly socking money away so that she can leave you.” “She has a gambling problem” and several more theories that I will not even put in print.

 But, I sometimes I actually begin to wonder…